Today is Fathers Day and I wanted to use this post to not only recognize this day but say that having kids of my own and truly having a great relationship with my dad came not just from love but from understanding and forgiveness from within.
Parenting is not easy for either gender. We're just a bunch of people trying to make meaning of this life we are in while raising more life. There are those many times when trauma is unhealed or managed and it bleeds into everything else.
One of my childhood wounds was the inability to be vulnerable. I had trouble asking for help or expressing my feelings. I felt my opinion didn't matter or my words had no value so I suffered in silence for years. It wasn't until my 10-year marriage finally toppled over that I was triggered. I couldn't hold my tears or feelings back any longer.
My world fell apart and it's not like it happened overnight. There were constant traumatic events leading up to it. My whole world, my identity, my children, my reputation, and the face that I showed others was all exposed. Everything that I upheld was broken. I was broken. There was no more hiding, not even to me and this is what triggered my Spiritual Awakening.
However, this is what also healed a childhood wound I had with my dad. It was through this traumatic experience that I realized how much my dad truly loved me. When my ex moved out my dad called me nearly every day for weeks, and months, and still does after nearly two years since the separation. He even flew in and would stay longer than needed because he knew I needed him.
My dad came through in a big way one day. He told me that I needed to get outside and do something different. I needed to see the world beyond my own. I needed dance. I was truly blessed when he forced me to take dance and paid for it. A whole month of private and group lessons. My only challenge was leaving the house but I did it. For a whole month, I learned different dances and sparked up a flame of mine that I felt I lost when I got married. It was then that I realized I was living a lie, I was lying to myself. I settled for a lifestyle that hindered my true path.
However, I also realized that I needed the experience of my toxic marriage to see my personal shadows because let us be real, no one is perfect. In accepting this truth, I became grateful for my marriage rather than regretful and the experience of dancing helped me to see that different perspective. My dad truly saved me in a way I didn't know I needed to be saved. This is why my dad is my hero. From dance, I then started this business and he has been there every step of the way too. It has been two years now and my business has been a success.
To my dad, thank you, always. You've been such a positive influence in my life. You have been my rock and mentor. Between you and mom by my side, there's no reason for me to not reach the top of the mountain. Like mom says, it's not about the destination but the journey
For those of you who read this blog, no matter what part of Spiritual Awakening you are experiencing, keep going and know that authentic happiness and a strong relationship with yourself can be had. Healing can be had. Don't give up.
Love and light, Erica